CUSTOMER: Hi, A friend of mine told me that he had purchased an opinion from you last week and that your choice for him was perfect, he said that all his friends just loved his new opinion and could hardly wait to get one themselves.
WILLY: Well we aim to please. Our philosophy is: "If that's what they want to hear, then just say it loud and clear."
CUSTOMER: Right! That's why I'm here, lately people have been asking me about how I feel on different issues and things, stuff like gun rights and immigration, and when I tell them that I don't have an opinion they sneer at me and walk away. When I was on a date the other night this girl I was with asked me what I thought about a woman having the right to decide what happens to her own body? When I told her I never really thought about it she got real huffy and asked me to please leave. It's really starting to become a problem and I want to fix it, but the truth is that I find it so much more comfortable not knowing what's happening around me.
WILLY: Well fear not young man, you've come to the right place. There are vast numbers of folks in the country who find that ignoring all the crisis happening is almost as comforting as pretending that there weren't any at all, but just as you have suggested occasionally social situations require you to take one side or the other of a particular issue, and if you are unprepared to respond it can be quite embarrassing. That is the reason we here at wise Willys do what we do.
CUSTOMER: That's good to hear, I thought I was the only one who didn't care about anything except what happens to me.
WILLY: Oh no no no, you would be surprised at how very very many people there are just like yourself, people whose thoughts and actions go no further than their own personal well being.
CUSTOMER: Terrific, what would suggest for a guy like me?
WILLY: I would advise you to buy our "can't go wrong" package. It includes various opinions that seem sincere to the listener, while maintaining enough wiggle room to quickly adapt their perceived impression to fit the situation. This package comes with your choice of three current issues and can be upgraded to the deluxe package which allows you two additional issues to choose and a tutorial DVD for practicing at home. And of course all our opinion packages have a thirty day exchange policy in case current crisis should change.
CUSTOMER: That sounds great, I'll take it, what do I owe you ?
WILLY: Oh don't worry about that now, trust me, you'll pay for it later.
TAKE A STAND KNOW YOUR RIGHTS SPEAK YOUR MIND BE A GOOD AMERICAN
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UNFORTUNATELY BUSINESS AT WISE WILLIES SEEMS TO BE BOOMING
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