Wednesday, April 24, 2013

We Should Have Seen It Coming (satire)

Faux Noise: Bare and Phalliced
   It appears that FOX News (?) Channel has an exclusive on the story of the century.

    FOX reported that it has confirmed this information, with its usual sources, in the chat rooms and on blog sites.

   Those sources revealed that the United States has, for the last 61 years, been using North Korea as a covert training base for the elite troops it plans to use in the sequestering of it's population, and the imposition of military rule across America. 

  The reports indicate that ex-Vice President Dick Cheney will be given the honorary rank of six-star general, and placed as the "Dicktator" in charge. Donald Rumsfeld will be named Vice Dicktator, but only given four stars, because Cheney doesn't think he deserves five. 

   Ex-President George W. Bush has not been contacted by anybody. 

Pyongyang, North Korea
   FOX News reports that the military takeover has been planned since 1952, and that its time for implementing is now, before the Republican party self-implodes completely and fails to exist at all.

    Fox also says that their sources in the chat rooms admit that the covert nature of this takeover plan was brilliantly executed, that while the entire world was told that North Korea was a closed society and that no outsiders were permitted into the country, there existed the perfect cover to train the forces needed for their diabolical agenda, without the world ever noticing. 

   Evidently, the initial plan had called for a number of North Korean soldiers to be involved in the initial invasion. However, due to the emaciation of 93% of the North Korean military, Cheney and his evil group instead secretly made a pact with the Swiss Navy, and the Salvation Army to ally with the Sri Lankan soldiers that they have already trained. 

   There were reports that the Canadian Mounted Police were scheduled to take part in the operation, however FOX News could not confirm this on any of the blogs they looked at.

   FOX  News confirmed their reliable sources have claimed that this takeover operation is imminent and that we should expect to start seeing its full implementation no later than election time in 2014. 

"Hello, Clarice."
   It has also been rumored that in preparation for his position of "Dicktator," Cheney has imprisoned three young men that share his blood type for the express purpose of any new heart transplants he may require. Word has it that since his body had functioned without any heart for so long, that it doesn't recognize the need for one now, and so rejects them soon after installation. 

   Donald Rumsfeld is scheduled for a nose extension so that he can still breathe through it while it's stuck up Cheney's ass.

    Condoleezza Rice apparently has not been offered a position in the new regime because, as Dick Cheney states,"Come on.  She's black and she's a woman.  How could that help?" 

   Their plan calls for the dissolution of the Senate and Congress, but experts agree that nobody will notice the difference with them being gone.

    All citizens opposed to this new government are encouraged to immediately head south and climb the fence into Mexico, where it is reported that the Mexican population is waiting to greet them with open arms. 

Stay tuned to FOX News Channel. Your reliable news source.

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