It is finally over, the war on Christmas has been won by the liberal Democratic party.
Reports are coming in stating that seal team 6 has killed Santa Claus, 5 of the reindeer, and a number of elves.
It is not known at this time if Rudolph is one of those reported killed, however we can confirm that Donner, Prancer, and Blitzen are among the casualties.
Experts in the study of Christmas warfare say that this last battle will most likely end all hostilities.
Professor Sarah Palin Phd. called it the worst Christmas carnage she has ever seen, she was quoted as saying, "Well gosh, ya know that guy who isn't white over there in Washington DC just creamed poor ol Santa".
Since this war began the day after Thanksgiving the fighting has been fierce, with both sides taking heavy casualties.
President Obama was quoted as saying, "We would have wrapped this up in 4 days if those damn Canadians didn't come to Santa's aid".
With the limited nuclear strike on both of Canada's major cities, the Canadians withdrew their support for Santa saying, "Hey, sorry there Mr. Kringle, but you're on your own Ay".
With the opposition now down to only elves, reindeer, and and a group of Tea party fringe flyers, the President decided to dispatch the infamous seal team 6 to kill the leader of the Christmas terrorist organization.
Apparently Mrs. Claus was taken into custody and immediately sent to Saudi Arabia for interrogation , asked why she was sent there a top intelligence official stated, "They just do it better there".
Rumors are that Frosty the snowman was also taken into custody, but we have been unable to confirm that information.
Witnesses report that the entire North pole region has been leveled, and that Santas workshop was completely destroyed, leaving any remaining Santa helpers without a base to attack from.
As we all now know, this war was deemed a necessary pre-emptive action due to the ability of Santa to see and know when everybody on the planet was sleeping, awake, or being good or bad, President Obama said, "After discussing it with the NSA, it was determined that it was in our national interest to make sure we were the only ones that are capable of doing that".
With the war on Christmas now over, officials at the NSA say they can now devote their attention to the ongoing war on peoples religion.
@getting a clue 1
What can I say, about the white whale Rush
Whose pure evil words, we can't seem to hush
He's a bigoted racist, without honor or style
As a mound of cow dung, he makes a large pile
He lacks all integrity, he possesses no class
And it's easy to see, he talks out his ass
Though he claims he's a patriot, we know it's a lie
Because a patriot has honor, and he ain't that guy
He's a monger of fear, a seller of hate
To wreak havoc among us, for this he can't wait
His masters are rich, the corporate elite
he bows in their presence, and kisses their feet
He's made lots of money, spewing hate lies and fear
And since money is his god, he holds it quite dear
He's a traitor a criminal, a racist and bigot
His mouth spews out evil, like a fully open spigot
For me there's one answer, that I'd love to see
The white whale Rush, at the bottom of the sea
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GETTING A CLUE1
In an incredible news story it has been revealed that Ted Cruz has actually been working for the Democratic party for the past year.
In an exclusive Fox news report, Fox has stated that hard evidence exists that prove Ted Cruz has been a covert agent of the opposition since last July, and that he was key in enlisting other Tea party Republicans to turn traitor to their party.
Although they don't yet have the evidence, it has been rumored that Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann John Boehner, and others have also been hired as Democratic plants within the framework of the Tea party and the GOP.
In their report Fox news has claimed that it has in its possession video secretly taken showing Cruz accepting large sums of cash from vice President Joe Biden while the two of them were having breakfast at a downtown Dennys restaurant.
When questioned about the alleged treachery, Sen. Cruz replied "Hey, Joe was just paying me for a bet he lost".
When Fox reporters informed him that they also had audio recordings of him detailing how he was going to destroy the GOP from within, Sen. Cruz just ran away yelling "Benghazi, Benghazi".
We will bring you more on this story as it breaks.
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I think that I shall never see
A group as evil as the GOP
Their hateful words flow like open spigots
Their ranks seem filled with racist bigots
The truth they'll twist ignore and bend
The lies they tell seem to never end
They claim they are loyal patriotic and true
And their only concern is to look out for you
They say we'll protect you that you needn't worry
but when they're unseen like roaches they scurry
They convene like a coven to plot and to plan
And they focus their hatred on one single man
A man full of honor integrity and grace
But they all hate this man for the color of his face
They say that's not true that it isn't a fact
But forget what they say just watch how they act
They'll tell you the reasons why he isn't right
But the real reason is because he isn't white
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The Douchebagistanian people are true blue to king Cheney.
Whatever the king said, the impressionable young douchebags would believe. Their loyalty is unquestioned, for the king had told them that facts were evil, and for them to believe his words, not their own eyes, and they did
Douchebagistan high school produced some that would go on to great fame, as these yearbook photos clearly show.
See anyone you know?
Here we have the National members
of the Douchebag GOP tea party.
Here we witness some Douchebag police in the process of questioning a very suspicious person.
It was later found that he was not displaying an
"I love king Cheney" sticker on his vehicle so he was promptly shot.
Members of the Douchebagistan secret police are caught in party mode celebrating the hatching of the queens 9 reptilian daughters.
These members are all hand selected by the minister of hate Limbaugh.
Minister Limbaugh has spent countless hours with each of these members in locked rooms to insure that they are properly filled with his own particularly vile form of hatred.
His training appears to be very successful, for people will tell you that anyone who listens to Limbaugh long enough will soon find themselves hating everything.
This is a small sample of the Douchebagistan people, we'll look at more of them in future chapters of "The story of Douchebagistan"
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The offspring of king Cheney and queen Coulter were a very different group of kids.
Due to the animal and human DNA found in the royal couples system, they produced some of the strangest Douchebagistany children in the land.
Prince Cantor was the
firstborn male, and though born without genitalia, he would in time be regarded as one of the biggest dicks in the land. His royal title is the "Duke of puke".
Prince Ryan was second in line, strangely, Ryan inherited his mothers serpent DNA and was produced as an egg by queen Coulter. Prince Ryan appeared human in many ways, but his rattlesnake nature never left him. His royal title is the "Duke of fluke".
Princess Bachman was the first daughter born to king Cheney and queen Coulter, and she was at once loved by all of Douchebagistan, but the men of the land loved her the most because she was born without any gag reflexes. Her royal title is the"Dutchess of dick".
Princess Palin was truly a miracle baby, being born without any sign of a brain amazed all the doctors, apparently all the air that filled her head was enough to keep her alive, Her royal title is the "Dutchess of dumb".
Queen Coulters serpent DNA was responsible for the remainder of the royal offspring, the queen laid 9 eggs, and each of them hatched on the same day, and all of them possessed the same family traits, but these princesses would go on to prove to the world that they were every bit a snake as their mother was. These princesses were given a shared royal title, they were named, the "Dutchesses of deception".
These are the members of the royal family, each of them unique, but all of them Douchebags through and through.
Stay tuned for further chapters of the story of Douchebagistan.
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The evil king Cheney of Douchebagistan has many ministers.
All of them are lifelong Douchebags and each one has certain responsibilities.
Minister Rove oversees the dreaded Douchebagistan secret police.
Before becoming minister, Rove was employed as a female impersonator at the Wee Takitall all male lounge.
His favorite hobbies are tripping blind people and drowning small puppies.
Minister Mcconnell is the keeper of the turtles.
His hobbies are opening and closing his mouth, and trying to remember to breathe.
After deposing king Bush, king Cheney decided to let him stay on as Minister of space cadets.
Though the only space program is between his ears, he has fun.
The ex-kings hobbies are trying to act important, and telling people it wasn't his fault.
Minister Ginrich is the head of the department of hypocrisy.
His duties require him to be critical of all others who act as he does.
His hobbies are cheating on his wife, taking bribes, and telling people he is still important.
Minister Limbaugh is in charge of the department of hate.
Limbaugh is especially qualified for this position due to his vast knowledge of hatred, and his many many years of experience practicing every form of it.
His hobbies are practicing beastiality with male yaks, and inserting his head into his rectum.
These are some of king Cheneys ministers, each one hand picked by Cheney because of their total commitment to the Douchebag way of living. Look for more ministers in chapter 4.
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Douchebagistan was ruled by an evil and cruel king, but their queen was also a mean and vile ruler.
Queen Coulter took pleasure in tormenting everyone she met.
With a heart as black as coal, and as hard as stone, queen Coulter and her coven of douchebags in waiting would spend hours and hours just thinking up evil things to do.
The evil queen was conceived when a wild boar ate some mushrooms that made him insanely horny, the only living thing that boar could find was a large rattlesnake. The boar did his business with the snake and 6 weeks later, queen Coulter was born.
While still very young Coulter was slithering through the swamp and came upon an old Nazi's retirement home.
Coulter went inside and immediately felt
like she had finally found her true family.
She shared in all the Nazi lifestyle, yes, young Ann felt like she found the place where she most belonged.
The Nazi's welcomed her and taught her all the things that are important in the life of a twisted evil bigot.
They even gave her employment training.
These kind hearted generous Nazi mentors even got together and bought young Ann Coulter her very first work uniform, including the optional handcuffs and cat-o-nine tails.
It didn't take Ann long to become the best pain giver in the land.
Soon, people throughout Douchebagistan would say,"if you really want to suffer, go talk to Ann Coulter".
And that is how Coulter would soon be the queen of the land.
One day, king Cheney found himself thanking somebody, he couldn't believe that he had done that, he immediately called for his minister of hate, Sir Limbaugh.
Sir Limbaugh assured the king that what he needed was a mate that would be a constant source of misery in his life, someone who would always be there to crush any empathy that might surface.
Sir Limbaugh said he knew just the person, and with that he sped off to retrieve Coulter from her usual corner.
As soon as king Cheney met Coulter, he knew he was dealing with a kindred spirit, he wasted no time in asking Coulter to be his queen.
They married that very day, and the now queen Ann Coulter was finally able to make the entire land as miserable as she possibly could.
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This is the story of a land called douchebagistan, and just like other stories have many chapters for the reader to enjoy, so will this story.
The first thing you'll want to know, is who the characters are, so without further ado, I present to you, the Douchebagistanies.
This is the Current King of all the Douchebagistanies, King Cheney.
King Cheney stole his title from the previous king by being a puppetmaster of king Bush, but king Bush was too busy being an arrogant buffoon to notice the strings attached to him.
King Cheney is as evil a king as there ever was, he doesn't care about all the Douchebagistanies, he only cares about himself.
King Cheney had been involved in the affairs of Douchebagistan long before he was king. He has worked very hard in order to now claim the title of most douchebagiest.
Some of the evil things he has done have included causing the deaths of hundreds of thousands of innocent men, women, and children so that he could make money.
While king Cheney was still a puppetmaster to king Bush, they decided to destroy the twin castles in Old York city in order to sell a war to the people.
The people believed the lies the king was telling, and soon there were two wars being waged at the same time.
King Bush and Cheney were elated, with two wars they could sell lots of weapons and oil to douchebagistan and make lots and lots of money.
King Cheney stays close to home because all over the world he is viewed as a criminal, and other countries will arrest him if they can catch him. He is also a criminal in douchebgistan, but he has enough money to keep from going to jail there.
In the next chapter, we will learn about the Grand Queen of
Douchebagistan, Queen Ann Coulter.
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