THE STORY OF DOUCHEBAGISTAN Chapter 6 "The royal family"

   The offspring of king Cheney and queen Coulter were a very different group of kids.

   Due to the animal and human DNA found in the royal couples system, they produced some of the strangest Douchebagistany children in the land.






Prince Cantor was the 
firstborn male, and though born without genitalia, he would in time be regarded as one of the biggest dicks in the land. His royal title is the "Duke of puke".
   

   



Prince Ryan was second in line, strangely, Ryan inherited his mothers serpent DNA and was produced as an egg by queen Coulter. Prince Ryan appeared human in many ways, but his rattlesnake nature never left him. His royal title is the "Duke of fluke".









Princess Bachman was the first daughter born to king Cheney and queen Coulter, and she was at once loved by all of  Douchebagistan, but the men of the land loved her the most because she was born without any gag reflexes. Her royal title is the"Dutchess of dick".












Princess Palin was truly a miracle baby, being born without any sign of a brain amazed all the doctors, apparently all the air that filled her head was enough to keep her alive, Her royal title is the "Dutchess of dumb".













Queen Coulters serpent DNA was responsible for the remainder of the royal offspring, the queen laid 9 eggs, and each of them hatched on the same day, and all of them possessed the same family traits, but these princesses would go on to prove to the world that they were every bit a snake as their mother was. These princesses were given a shared royal title, they were named, the "Dutchesses of deception".








   These are the members of the royal family, each of them unique, but all of them Douchebags through and through.

   Stay tuned for further chapters of the story of Douchebagistan.

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THE STORY OF DOUCHEBAGISTAN Chapter 5 "still more ministers"

   All the Douchebagistan
ministers share the same nasty qualities.

 They are all evil,foul, and self righteous fools.

They are also all GOP









Minister Norquist is in charge of soul sales.

His previous job was being a toilet bowl.

His hobbies are eating babies and licking toes.













Minister Sununu's only duty is to be uglier than every body else.
His hobby is to hide his face.















Minister Rumsfeld is in charge of phony wars and false intelligence.

He previously worked as a pedophile priest.

His hobby is licking king Cheney's boots. 


















Minister Cruz is the official Douchebagistan witchhunter.

He previously sold meth and heroin to school children.

His hobby is putting baby kittens in microwave ovens and timing how long it takes for them to explode.












Romney is the kings minister-at-large.

His role changes every 5 minutes.

He studies chameleons.



   There you have it, the official ministers of the land of Douchebagistan. Be sure to read chapter 6 of the story of Douchebagistan where I reveal the identities of the royal family.


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THE STORY OF DOUCHEBAGISTAN Chapter 4 "More Ministers"

   Because of the mass amount of inbreeding in the Cheney line there were many members of his family  that worked for him.

   The number of royal ministers he appointed to oddly named departments reflects that fact.












   Minister Trump is the keeper of birth records for Douchebagistan

   Though its his only duty, he struggles with understanding how it works on a daily basis.

   His hobbies are being a dick, and pretending he's not gay.









   Minister Issa is responsible for the false accusation department. 

   Issa is very prolific in his job, and the accusations he comes up with almost sound possible.

   His hobbies are burning down buildings and filling out claims.










   Minister O'reilly is the royal court whore.

 His duties are to use his mouth daily to be sure all the royals are sated.

 His hobby is ad nauseam.










   Minister Adelson is the royal purchaser of politicians.

    His duties are to gather as many Republican politicians together as money can buy.

   His hobby is being creepy. 












   Minister Boehner is the official court crier.

   His duties remain unclear due to his not seeming to be able to accomplish anything at all.

 His hobbies are beating dead horses, and whining that no one wants to play with him anymore.








  Although these ministers are the inbred relatives of king Cheney, they are all true blue Douchebags through and through.

   Be sure to read chapter 5 of the story of Douchebagistan to see even more Douchebag ministers.



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THE STORY OF DOUCHEBAGISTAN Chapter 2 "The Queen"

   Douchebagistan was ruled by an evil and cruel king, but their queen was also a mean and vile ruler.

   Queen Coulter took pleasure in tormenting everyone she met.

   With a heart as black as coal, and as hard as stone, queen Coulter and her coven of douchebags in waiting would spend hours and hours just thinking up evil things to do.

   The evil queen was conceived when a wild boar ate some mushrooms that made him insanely horny, the only living thing that boar could find was a large rattlesnake. The boar did his business with the snake and 6 weeks later, queen Coulter was born.

   While still very young Coulter was slithering through the swamp and came upon an old Nazi's retirement home.

   Coulter went inside and immediately felt
like she had finally found her true family.

   She shared in all the Nazi lifestyle, yes, young Ann felt like she found the place where she most belonged.

   The Nazi's welcomed her and taught her all the things that are important in the life of a twisted evil bigot.

   They even gave her employment training.

   These kind hearted generous Nazi mentors even got together and bought young Ann Coulter her very first work uniform, including the optional handcuffs and cat-o-nine tails.

   It didn't take Ann long to become the best pain giver in the land.

   Soon, people throughout Douchebagistan would say,"if you really want to suffer, go talk to Ann Coulter".

   And that is how Coulter would soon be the queen of the land.

   One day, king Cheney found himself thanking somebody, he couldn't believe that he had done that, he immediately called for his minister of hate, Sir Limbaugh.

   Sir Limbaugh assured the king that what he needed was a mate that would be a constant source of misery in his life, someone who would always be there to crush any empathy that might surface.

   Sir Limbaugh said he knew just the person, and with that he sped off to retrieve Coulter from her usual corner.

   As soon as king Cheney met Coulter, he knew he was dealing with a kindred spirit, he wasted no time in asking Coulter to be his queen.

   They married that very day, and the now queen Ann Coulter was finally able to make the entire land as miserable as she possibly could.

   

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Our Heroes Come Through Again!

Yeeehaw!  Wahooo!  Yip yip yip yip yip!

   Let's hear it for those absolutely fantastic legislators we have in Washington D.C.! You remember, don't you? The ones that are representing us, the ones achieving great things in our name.

   Who would have thought that they would have the foresight to realize that over ninety percent of us were terribly mistaken about our desires on background checks for firearm purchases?

The U.S. Senate

   I just thank God almighty that these brave and fearless political soldiers have the keen understanding to see that what we all really wanted and dare I say, needed, was a continuation of the status quo, not more rules for us to follow.

   After all, why fix something that isn't broken?

   Yes, these national heroes have once again shown us that they possess the bravado needed to vacate the desires of those who elected them, and to replace it with the desires of those that have purchased them, for the good of our nation of course.

    Where would we be without the unending toil and sweat these benevolent Senators and Congressmen suffer through day after day, all in the name of protecting us, mostly from ourselves apparently.

    I believe that these selfless, honorable, and caring individuals should be recognized for the sheer courage it requires to publicly oppose anything that more than 9/10ths of everybody in the nation is in favor of.

   With only love and respect for us, these unselfish super-humans risked their career and integrity to insure that they would do whatever was needed to defeat this bill. Having only our best interest at heart, at a time that we thought that we knew what we wanted.  But, they wisely perceived our mistaken decision and without regard for their own safety, boldly voted down the legislation they knew was bad for us all.

   Though there were a few Democrats siding with them, the vast majority of glory and honor goes once again to the Republicans, who prove, over and over, that they know what's best for us, and they're not about to let anything stop them from demonstrating that belief on every possible occasion.

   We, as a nation, should show nothing but respect and admiration for the courageous display of patriotic behavior that these elected officials demonstrate daily. With such dedication on their part, I believe we should reward these champions of truth and justice for their actions.

    The banks and corporations have long recognized the value of these legislators, and so should we.

    So remember to say thank you to them on election day for making the world a safer place to live in.

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