Benghazi Update From FOX News (satire)

   FOX NEWS ALERT UPDATE: As promised, Fox news will continue reporting on the Benghazi story until something incriminating President Obama or Former Secretary of State Clinton is found or produced.

    The people at Fox News have spared no expense in the hiring of numerous anonymous sources in order to bring to the American public the message that Fox News believes they should hear.

   Fox News owner and CEO, Rupert Murdoch has reportedly authorized whatever money it takes to ensure the proper results be attained in Benghazi.

    In a gesture that can only be described as patriotic Americanism, the Koch brothers, Donald Trump, and Karl Rove have all pledged to donate sizable amounts of cash to anybody that comes forward to implicate Obama and Clinton in the Benghazi debacle. Evidently interviews are currently being held and it is reported that a suitable anonymous witness will soon be available for testimony to prove that Obama and Clinton were totally complicit in what took place.

   Fox News analysts have also developed stories tying the President to the subversive use of the Internal Revenue Service in not only delaying the granting of tax exempt status for many Republican non-political action groups, but has also encouraged them to investigate those same non-political Republican groups.

   The GOP spokesman Fox news consulted on this matter stated that these type of tactics being employed show just how desperate the Democrats have become, they know were going to mop up the floor with them in 2014 and again in 2016 so they're running scared and doing everything possible to stop our progress. The suggestion that these non-political Republican action groups would attempt getting tax exempt status so that their donors could write off contributions to them is an insult to the honesty and integrity that the GOP has shown it had possessed in the past. The spokesman went on to say that the GOP won't demand a full scale investigation of these alleged IRS wrong doings because it is quite obvious there is nothing to hide and that the GOP was willing to let bygones be bygones in order to address more serious matters at hand.

   When asked about his opinion on the matter ex-vice president Dick Cheney said "I don't know about any of that crap, but what happened in Benghazi was the most horrible thing I've ever seen". He went on to say that while he was growing up during the civil war that the atrocities he witnessed were indeed horrendous, but nothing in comparison to the sheer carnage of Benghazi. Cheney added that even during world wars 1 & 2 the levels of inhumanity didn't compare to that of Benghazi, he said Benghazi made Korea and Viet Nam look like a summer beach party.

    In an interview with Fox news Cheney was joined by ex-secretary of defense Donald Rumsfeld in condemning the White House for lying to the nation, and demanded that Obama and Clinton take full responsibility for their actions. Rumsfeld was further quoted as stating "if somebody lies and deceives you once, then you can bet that they will lie to you all the time. Trust me, I know about these things". Fox news will continue monitoring this story and bring you updates as they happen.

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Giving Mexicans Credit Where Credit Is Overdue

   In the late 1840s, the United States and the Republic of Texas stole a fair-sized chunk of property formerly belonging to Mexico and its people. The land stolen was massive and included all or parts of Texas, California, Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado, and Nevada.

   After stealing that land the government at the time voided virtually all land claims made by any Mexicans currently residing on those lands then sold and granted them to others, even if those Mexicans had lived there for generations.

   During the 1930s when America was experiencing an economic depression various groups and politicians rallied for and passed legislation that would effect Mexicans living and working in the U.S., giving the authorities an easy path to jail or deport them. Then, World War II arrives and most of the male population joined the military or got drafted into it. Before long there was a dire need in this country for laborers to harvest the vast number of crops in the fields, and to our rescue came thousands of Mexican people to do the job.

   Although this was a mutually beneficial situation, without their help, we would not have been able to produce the amount of food needed to supply not only this country and its military, but the massive amount of food we were shipping to desperate countries like England and Russia.

   The abundant prosperity experienced by the U.S. after the war and throughout the 50s, 60s and 70s let many people in this nation realize financial growth and wealth accumulation, but just as African-Americans were stifled in the opportunities allowed them, so were the Mexican-Americans marginalized in their quest to attain the "great American dream." Sure, they can pick our lettuce and cherries, but don't ask us for anything else.

   Throughout American history we have treated the Mexican people with contempt and disregard, when they have contributed as much, if not more, to the reasons this nation has prospered. And now We are again facing high unemployment and financial difficulties in America, so what's the answer to the problem that the Republican party espouses? Deport the illegal aliens! (meaning Mexicans of course.)

   It's the Mexicans taking all of our jobs that's causing these problems. Of course the vast amount of these "illegals" are doing jobs regular Americans would rather not have to do. These "illegals" are working their asses off for pay that is far below what they deserve. Yet, you never seem to hear them bitching about how deplorable the conditions are, you just see a proud, hard-working people that are truly grateful for the opportunity to advance their situation in life, while we usually can be found doing nothing but complain about our jobs.

   It has always pissed me off about how the Mexicans get treated in this country and I believe it is high time we recognize the huge debt of gratitude we owe them. So on behalf of the people of the United States, Thank you for putting up with our shit and we will try to do right by you in the future.

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